You Can't Read Loss, Only Feel It

 I lost my precious little dog Baby on Sunday, May 28, 2023 on the Eklutna Lakeside Trail. We were hiking like we always do, when two big dogs lunged at her and immediately killed her. It was the worst day of my life. The owners had their dogs on leashes and had moved to the side of the trail to let us pass. Baby barked as she always did, but she was of course on her leash. The dogs were so strong that they almost pulled their owners right over as they leaped to grab her. It was over in seconds. My friend Alice, the two owners, and I tried everything to get the dogs to let go of her, but it was just too late. I knelt over her screaming and crying out, "my Baby, my poor Baby," while Alice and one of the dog owners ran for help as I continued to hold her tiny lifeless body, and cry. The other poor woman held onto her dogs to keep them from harming anyone else. She kept apologizing and showed that she was just as horrified as I was, repeating over and over that she would put the dogs down. We were there for quite a while as the others sought help from passing ATV's on the upper trail. 

I wrapped Baby in my jacket and hiked to the upper trail because I knew ATV's would be too big for the pedestrian/bike trail that we were on. We finally connected with several drivers who took us all to the ranger station. The ranger took our report and they drove us to my car in the parking lot. Alice drove me in my car down to the bottom of the road where we had left her car. I put my poor little bundle in her doggie car seat and forced myself to drive home.

The last few days have been dreadful, with me crying and feeling devastated, unable to sleep or eat.
How could this awful thing happen to my sweet little Wonder Dog? 

My friend Mark, and I created a grave for her in my backyard and I wrapped her in her little pink blanket and placed her in her velvet doggie bed, with her toys and favorite treats. I placed it all in the car seat. Then yesterday, Memorial Day, we placed her in the ground behind my house beneath the lilac bush. I ordered a beautiful granite headstone for her and will place it on the grave when it arrives. My neighbor, Cheryl brought over some Forget-Me-Not and Shooting Star plants and we planted them along the edges. Today I placed a beautiful fairy statue among the plants. The fairy is sitting with a white wolf. I felt that the wolf was very symbolic of Baby the tiny chihuahua who had the spirit of the wolf. She could climb any mountain and hike endlessly. Everyone called her Baby the Wonder Dog, because she was so amazing. She was just about to turn 13, but seemed like a puppy. All of my hikes and climbs and adventures of the last 3 years included her, whether on bare trails, rocky mountains or on snow. 

Baby was my life, my everything, my soulmate, my reason to get up in the morning, my reason for living and breathing. I don't know how I will continue to do those things without her. But I'll try my best because I know she would want that. Her name tag and the butterfly from her Halloween costume will go with me on all future hikes. I'll sleep with her little pink winter jacket that still smells like her. I feel like her tiny spirit is here in my house and is right here by my side. But I miss her dear little body with every inch of my being.

Rest in Peace my dear little Baby.

My Wonder Dog

My tiny Mountaineer