I did a short 5 mile hike today with my friend, Pam and her little dog, Dahla. It was painful without my Baby. But it really was helpful to get out and hike and realize that it will be possible to eventually do what I have always loved even if I won't have my precious Baby by my side. I just felt like her little spirit was walking along with me the whole time. I didn't take any pictures of the trail. I just kept pushing on and pushing back tears. The trails will never be the same again without her little face beside me.
I'm trying to find something positive to give me something to look forward to. So I registered for the Equinox Marathon in Fairbanks in September. Then looking farther into the future, I registered for the Honolulu Marathon in December. Now it will be possible to travel because I don't have the responsibility of a pet. I'm not excited about travel in general but at least this is still in the US and I don't have the hassle of getting visas and dealing with international flights. The world is in such turmoil lately that I prefer to stick to my own country. I do love Hawaii and will likely stay there for a couple of weeks. The thought of that gave me a tiny ray of sunshine for at least a few minutes. But the sorrow from the loss of Baby is going to linger in my heart for a very long time.
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